hope

I went to a funeral today.

A sweet friend of mine, who was about 6 years younger than me, passed away last week. Her funeral was today.

She had fought cancer for the past 4 years, and that gave her time to spend with her two beautiful girls. I think they are now about 6 1/2 and 4.

As her husband talked today at the funeral, he said that this was the end of a fight that they were told they would not win. But I think Heather won today. She always had her eye on heaven, and was one of the most hopeful people I know. Even in the midst of chemo, and cancer treatment, she was hopeful She was NOT hopeful that she would get better, but she was filled with eternal hope she had because of her faith in Jesus.

I am so very sad for her family that does not have her here anymore, but so relieved for her. That her fight is over. That she doesn't have to go through any more chemo. That she is in heaven. That she has the fulfillment of the ultimate hope now.

Heather, thank you for the time you were here, and for the hope that you spread, no matter your circumstances.

Until Heaven,
K

break

Today I needed a break. I headed over to nbc.com and watched an episode of America's Got Talent. It was refreshing, and I even teared up a few times. It was just a "feel-good" moment. Well, more than a moment, but you get the idea.

The reason I needed a break is because I've been glued to the internet and TV news, and facebook, and twitter, and everything else possible to get information.

Because of this.

Last summer, I wrote here about being WAY out of town while parts of my city burned down, and now it's happening again.

They are calling it the Black Forest Fire, and so far it has totally destroyed over 90 homes and is not contained significantly at all. Today the wind shifted and the fire burned back on itself and is now headed in the opposite direction as yesterday, threatening another several thousand acres.

I've been watching the coverage, but this afternoon it got to be a little much.

So I headed over to the ol' interweb to watch the America's Got Talent that wasn't shown last night.

And it was just the break that I needed.

I'm still praying for the firefighters and planes and people helping fight this fire, and praying for the people who are evacuated. There will be lots and lots of damage once it is all over, and every bit of that is a person or family that is affected. But the words of a song by Building 429 keep going through my head:

This world has nothing for me
This life is not my own
I know You go before me and I am not alone
This mountain rises higher
The way seems so unclear
But I know that You go with me so I will never fear
I will trust in You
Whatever will come our way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won't be shaken

God is still God, regardless of what happens this week. And I will continue to trust Him. For what, I don't even know sometimes. But I will lean on Him.

And maybe watch a little less news.
K

tears

Today in class there were tears.

No, this is NOT the first time that has happened, but fortunately it doesn't happen all that often.

In 4th Grade, we started singing military songs. I have to teach them the songs for all the branches of the military, so I started on that today. One verse into the Marine's Hymn, one of my sweet little 4th grade girls started tearing up. By the end of the song she was full on crying.

So I asked her what was wrong, and if she was OK.

She said that her Grandpa gave this song to her mom, and he had passed away this year.

She was just sad.

...

Well, I totally was not sure what to say, at that point, because I understand missing a grandparent that has passed away. I've had 5 Grandparents that have passed away, I even wrote about 2 of them here. But I gathered my thoughts, put my arm around her, and gave her what I hope is good advice.

I simply told her that I understood why she is sad, and that is normal. I was there myself. But, we all need to take these times and use them to remember all the great times that we had with our grandparents. We need to look back and be grateful for those great times, and remember what was great about them and what was great about the time we spent together.

...


She breathed, and and nodded, and pulled herself together. So I gave her another hug, and sent her off to PE. And gave the PE teacher a heads-up that she might be a little emotional.

What a blessing that I get to walk with my kids through these kind of things, and that God gives me the calm thoughts to be able to speak what they need to them.

Oh, and later that day...she brought me a little present. A bookmark that she made in library.
I treasure it.
K

death is everywhere

Well there's nothing like a positive outlook, is there?

Today I went to teach a piano lesson, and I found out that my piano student had passed away. This is the 76 year-old Vietnamese man who has been taking lessons for the past couple years. He was one of my best students ever. He was dedicated, he was committed, and most importantly he was excited to learn new things each and every time we had a lesson.

I really enjoyed teaching him, and every so often he would pause and tell me something very profound. Or give me a moon cake.

I want to do something to tell his family how much I enjoyed the time we spent together learning piano, and how much I will miss that now, but I'm not sure of the Vietnamese cultural protocol.

I am glad that his daughter answered the door today, because she can speak English, and I could tell her how sorry I am for her loss, and ask her to let her mother know how sorry I am for her loss as well. I could never say that, because Tuan Le's wife doesn't speak English. But I'm glad that I could at least pass the message on.

I can truly say that my life has been better for knowing Tuan Le, and I have been blessed by the time we spent together. Here's to you Tuan Le, and thanks for all the great conversations about piano, life, religion, and so many more things. Thank you for sending rice to needy people in Vietnam, even though you did not have much yourself. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of that.

We will miss you.
K

rock n roll

This week I found out that someone I used to know has died.

We weren't best friends, or anything like that. In fact, I would call him an acquaintance. But I did know him when I used to live across the country, and now he's dead.

And in a weird twist, he actually died 7 months ago, but a (real) friend of mine sent me that article this past week and I didn't look at the date, so I THOUGHT he had just passed away recently. This has all been very surreal.

When I found out about his death, I looked up the article in the local paper where I used to live, and then several articles popped up on local blogs about his death and how he will be missed. I read the obituary his family put in the paper and it was very touching. And sad because he has 2 kids that he left behind.

In one of the blog articles, it said "he lived the rock and roll lifestyle". I would say that was true, especially considering that I met him and knew him through a tattoo shop. He was the owner, and a fairly well-known person about a fairly small town. And he did live that kind of a life. He was heavily tattooed, and was out on the town often. So I guess it's not unbelievable that he had been out drinking with a friend, and rolled his car into a concrete embankment and was killed. But that comment about the "rock and roll lifestyle" really struck me.

And it made me sad.

There is a profound sadness in the fact that he searched for fulfillment in living that kind of life. In living hard and dying young. In rolling your car at 3am after being out drinking. And I know that people have to make their own choices.

But it makes me so sad that he never found the real source of fulfillment. It makes me sad to think that he was constantly chasing things to fill his life, and never had the opportunity to know the only One who can provide real and lasting fulfillment.

Being a musician, and person who is very connected to music, it makes me think about the "rock and roll lifestyle", and how very sad and empty that is.

It makes me pray. Pray that I have the courage to tell my friends that are searching that they really can find peace in the One who came to bring peace.

And it impresses on me that the "rock and roll lifestyle" is a life of futility, because there is no way to find Peace unless you find Redemption out of that lifestyle in the end. And it makes me sad that Mitchell never found that.
K

i've been made blue, i've been lied to

I've had this old Everly Brothers song in my head lately, but there's a reason. I've really have been lied to.

A couple weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine has been lying to me about a bunch of things. Not just 1 thing - a bunch. Several.

This has given me heartburn for over a week, because even though I'm a pretty upfront person, I really don't like confrontation. Who does? But I'd rather just walk away and not deal with them or the situation ever again as a perfectly viable alternative to confronting someone.

I finally decided that I had to say something. So last week we went to dinner. I decided to wait about 10 minutes into dinner before bringing it up, 'cause I was hungry and didn't want to have to sit there and eat after calling him a liar.

Anyway, I asked if he planned on ever telling me that he lied, and after he denied the first lie (of the 6 I mentioned), he just got really quiet and didn't say much at all. The crazy thing about these lies is that NOT ONE of them would have made any difference if he'd just have told the truth. AND, he really hurt me because he made me look like a FOOL in front of several people, because I repeated something he had said and they just got a real funny look on their face and said that it wasn't true.

Well, shame on me, I should have figured it out sooner.

The answer to this accusation was, basically, "I don't know why I do that. I've always had a problem making myself seem better than I am. It's a flaw in my personality and I don't know why."

I guess kudos to him for actually admitting it, and not trying to make me look like a liar on top of the whole mess. The moral of the story (listen up kiddies) is that lying is bad. Don't do it. It hurts people, and makes you look like a fool when people find out.

Also, pride is not worth ruining a good friendship. Good friends are hard to find, and now a little bit harder for him.

Here's to truth in friendship.
K

a goodbye

My friend Beth wrote a beautiful post yesterday. Our Friend passed away late Wednesday night, and she said everything I could say, but so much more elegantly. We'll miss you Michelle.

stunned and crushed

I don't know what to say. I just, a few minutes ago, found out that a good friend of mine passed away today. He was the husband of a good friend of mine, father to 2 great kids, and almost exactly my age.
David was a great person, and totally just got ripped out of this world. I am so crushed for his wife, and stunned that he woke up not feeling so good, then just passed away.

And 2 minutes later I found out that some good friends from church had a baby this afternoon. She is beautiful, and their famiy is tremendously happy. I am so happy for them.

I feel like I'm being ripped in half.

How could this happen? I have so many questions, and can't stop thinking about the times I spent with David and his family.

And then I looked at pictures of my friends new baby, and couldn't stop smiling.

And then I cried.

I think this is too much to take right now - more later.
K