Friday, May 7, 2010

visitation

I just got back home.

This past weekend I took my 5-year-old nephew on a trip. I used to live in GA, and his Mimi and Grandpa still live there, so we went to visit. It was a good trip in all - he's been on a plane several times so the "trip" part was fairly easy. I just made sure that we had plenty of time for everything we had to do, and that meant there was never any "c'mon, we've got to go! we're gonna miss the plane!" I think that would have been a disaster.

Anyway, we made it out there and I thought that he was going to burst before we actually arrived. He was wiggly, and excited, and couldn't sit still on the plane at all. But in his defense, it was pretty exciting! I got to take off school for 2 days in order to go, so I was excited too (but for different reasons! It totally felt like playing hooky...)
After getting him settled at Mimi and Grandpa's, I drove an hour to where I used to live. I lived there for 10 years, and I've only lived here for 6, so I still felt a little like I was going "home".

I was totally mistaken.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was not at all what I got.
I think the problem was that I didn't think about what I was expecting, or what I wanted to get out of the whole deal.

I'm still the same person, right?
I'm still friends with all my friends, right?
Everything's still the same, right?

Nope.

On the whole, it was a nice visit. I got to see some good friends that I made at work. I went to my old church, and got to talk to my pastor. He's going through some things that my family went through in the past few years, so I was able to just let him know that there is an end in sight.
I got to visit with who I would consider my "best" friend from the whole time I lived there - we worked together for 7 years, and even went on a cross-country vacation together. Over iced coffee (it was HOT there! OK, not so hot, but wicked humid) we just sat and talked for a couple hours, while quietly sweating. Saw pictures of each other's family, and how the nephews are getting bigger. And we met for dinner the next evening over amazing Cuban food and sweet tea.

But there was nothing there. Not that I was expecting a relationship, but we've both moved on, and I suddenly realized that, standing in the parking lot of a restaurant in 5 points.

I've moved on.

I'm not sure I was ready to move on.

...

But this is life. And life goes on.

Ultimately that is a good thing, but when it slaps you across the face it has a tendency to wake a person up. I feel like my life there is over, and I wasn't quite ready for that.
So, here's to finding my new life here from now on.
No looking back.
No wistful glances over my shoulder.
No teary trips through the photo albums. (Yes, I have photo albums!)
Here's to keeping your eyes on the road ahead.
K

3 comments:

  1. Just making the Coffee Girl Rounds this AM - Have a GREAT weekend!

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  2. That's how I felt going back to the Philippines. I grew up there, but my "home" now is where ever I am with my husband and kids. At least you got to visit with your friend. Even if you have both moved on, it's good to walk back down memory lane once in a while.

    And kudos for taking your little nephew. I wish my sister-in-law would take mine off my hands once in a while!

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