growth

This is a picture of what I put on my wall over my desk at school.

I had the bizarre circumstances of finding out what one of my parents said about me in an anonymous survey. I will say it was unflattering, to say the least. In fact, it was the opposite of those 4 words on the bottom: impatient, unkind, harsh and negative.

Needless to say, this took my by surprise. And my first impulse was to defend myself, and point out why I am not those things. OK, I freely admit to impatient. I am not the most patient person. I own that. I pray about it. I ask God to develop more patience in me. But unkind???? Harsh???

OK, I'm stepping away from defending myself, and taking this as an opportunity to become a better person. I put the opposite of those ugly 4 words above my desk, as well as the verse that is above them.

And now I am grateful.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be better. I am grateful to focus on these things, rather than the negative.

And I am SO grateful that God sent me a couple parents RIGHT on the heels of this thing to give me some wonderful words of encouragement. There were three different parents, in the span of a week, and they were so supportive, and told me how much their kids LOVE to have me as their music teacher, and what a great job I am doing, and how much they LOVED the concert.

So I am thankful that God sent me that encouragement to spur me on to become better. To focus on the good, and what I WANT to be.

And that I didn't get fired. :)
K

an era

This is my director.

Donald P. Jenkins has led the Colorado Springs Chorale for 47 years.

Even though I've sung under his direction for the past 7 years, he has been doing it much longer. In fact, today at the concert he said he's been directing choirs since 1953.

Today I sang. I sang my heart out. I sang to the best of my ability. I sang in German like I've never sung in German before.

And it was amazing.

It was a blessing to sing wonderful music, accompanied by a wonderful orchestra, directed by a legend.

Thank you, Don, for the music.  Even though this was the last, I will remember all of the concerts we've done together.

For the music,
K

Callie

This is Callie.

I know it's hard to tell what is cat and what is bed. But she's there.

Right now she's sleeping, making little cat snoring noises. :)

And I do realize she probably looks naked to you. But, Callie's hair is very white, very fine, and very prone to matting up and knotting. So, a couple times a year she gets a "Lion Cut". There is a cute little ball of fur at the end of her tail, and cute tufts of fur around her cheeks. But the bonus to this "haircut" is that now when you pet her she feels like velvet. SO SOFT.

Anyway, I realized this morning that I enjoy having a cat again. It's been several years since I lost Sam and Max, and I didn't realize that I missed having a kitty. Even one who is as vocal as Callie.

Today she came downstairs and starting meowing at me VERY EMPHATICALLY. Since I had just fed her, I finally figured out that she didn't like the open window above her bed. There is a light rain falling and a cold wind, and she didn't like it. Once I come up and closed the window she went right back to bed.

But I was petting her this morning and as she purred at me (sounding like a tractor) I thought about how fulfilling it is to pet a cat. She purred, and I petted away.

It's good to be the (kitty) Queen. :)
K

weird

New house weirdness:

I now have a cat. Used to be Mom and Dad's cat, but now that they are back and forth between here and the mountains, the cat stays with me. She is sweet, but it is weird having a cat, 6 or 7 years after losing Sam and Max.

Things sound weird here. There are weird noises that I'm not used to, like creaking and such. Not to mention sleeping with the window open and the different neighbor noises. Huh.

I keep forgetting to lock the front door. I usually go in and out through the garage, but other people reliably come and go through the front door. And usually I forget to lock it again.

Laundry in the bowels of the earth. I got spoiled having the laundry 2 steps away from my bed. Now I (and my dirty clothes) are on the 2nd floor, and the laundry is in the basement. Huh.

Light switches. Half of the light switches DO NOT OPERATE ANYTHING! It is maddening...

Mail. I have the nicest mailman. He brings my mail to the door, because the post office can't seem to get me keys to the box. Hand delivery of the mail. Awesome.

Randomly driving to the other house, then realizing that I don't live there anymore. Huh.

SO many things to get used to.
K

waiting

Waiting is hard.

Today is Tuesday. On Friday I am supposed to buy a house.

I say "supposed to" because I haven't gotten word from the lender on how much the actual check should be for. This is the last step in this big, bad process of buying a house. Once I go get the check, I think everything will be good. Then I just have to go to the closing and sign my name a bajillion times.

For now, I'm waiting.

Since I sold my condo a couple weeks ago, when people ask where I am living I say "Camping in Mom and Dad's basement". And that is the truth. But really it is not a hardship. There is a kitchen down here, and a full bathroom, and a nice bed. And plenty of room to have some of my stuff. Not all of my stuff, but certainly enough to live for a couple weeks. As well as free laundry, offers of dinner, and a garage door opener. No, I am NOT roughing it.

But...

I am waiting.

I am ready to go to the closing.

I am ready to move in. I am even EXCITED about moving in. I am even excited about the actual MOVING!

I think the waiting is the hard part. Knowing what is coming, but having to wait.

...

As you MIGHT be able to tell, patience is NOT my strong suit.

So for now I will wait. And pray for patience.
K

even bigger

Well I thought things couldn't get bigger and more scarier...(scarier?) but they have.

...

I bought a house today.

Holy cow - this is HUGE.

Really I'm not sure how to feel. I'm excited, but I'm also scared, and a little overwhelmed, and still waking up in the middle of the night thinking about things I need to do.

Oh. My. Word.

But the bottom line is that it will be a great thing. I'm trusting God. I've prayed this WHOLE time that He would work out all things in this big endeavor. And He is good. All the time. Regardless of what is happening in my housing situation.

And that's exactly what I have right now - a housing "situation".

So, I'm off to pack. I've got to get all my stuff over to Mom and Dad's house, because next weekend I'm moving the furniture into a storage unit for awhile.
Here's to cardboard boxes.
K

firsts

This has been a couple weeks of firsts.

I sold my first house this week. Well, it's technically not sold yet - I signed the contract on Tuesday, but it won't be "officially sold" until mid-July. 

Today I met with a mortgage person (she was incredibly nice and unfailingly patient with my questions) and got pre-approved for a mortgage, so when it is time to buy a new house, I'll be ready.

I changed the bulbs in both my car headlights for the first time.
Let me be more specific - I've "been involved" in changing the bulb in the rear headlight before. I didn't *actually* do it, but my friend did it, and I got my head right down there and watched and asked a bunch of questions. The front ones were the same, but it was harder to get my hand under and around all the engine stuff. But I did it!

I called a plumber to fix a little water leak. OK, it's not the first time for that, but I'm proud of myself nonetheless.

I am getting ready to buy a house by myself (not first house, but first "buying experience"). Tomorrow is the first day that Mom and I will go out looking at actual houses with a Real Estate Agent. "Real Houses" as opposed to pictures on the internet. :)

This has all combined to make me feel pretty stinkin' self-sufficient! BUT, as we learned in last year's VBX, "no matter what, TRUST GOD!"

So I am trusting God to provide the right house, at the right price, and to work out all the little house-buying details that I don't even know about yet.

I'm not going to worry about it. I have a saying on my desk at work:
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."
So, I will not worry. It's not productive, and besides: God's already got this worked out! (I just don't know how!)
From the old house,
K

the end

Today was the end of school.

I always feel kind of weird about this. I'm ready for school to be over, but I love my job and don't want to be away from kids for 10 weeks. I'm ready for a break, but I really like the people I work with and consider them friends - I don't want to be gone for 10 weeks.

And of course it is sad that a whole grade level of kids is moving up to Jr. Hi, and I won't have them again. Ever. I've been their music teacher for the past 6 years of their schooling, and now not. That's really what makes me sad this time of year.

And then there is the thought of being off work for 10 weeks, and there is rejoicing in my heart!

I feel very mixed emotions. I'm excited about being off, but sad about being off at the same time.

And I'm so grateful to love my job, to love my boss, and to work with such great people that I consider friends.

I guess I just don't know *what* to feel at this point.
K

work

Holy. Cow.

If I KNEW how much work it was going to be to get my house ready to sell, well I probably would never have agreed to this madness!!! And, to be clear, the house is not *ready* yet, but it is getting close.

Full storage unit: check.
Absence of pots and pans: check.
Total lack of bookcases and books: check.
Carpets cleaned: check.
Most repairs finished: check.

As I sit here and bask in the clean, organized, almost empty house, I am ready for this to be over. I am ready to go to my bookshelf and read any book I want at any time. I am ready to have a coffee table again. I am ready to have my blender back.

But I'm sure it will be worth it in the end. I just have to keep telling myself that.
K

beef and cheese

Last weekend I was at the High School Winter Retreat. It was fantastic! I am SO not a high schooler anymore, but I got so much out of it, I might have a hard time articulating all of it. Shocker...

I want to start off with Chris' talk from Saturday night. Chris Simning was our speaker, and his website is here. You can read his bio if you want, but the short story (from my perspective) is that he woke up one morning when he was in 8th grade, and he couldn't hold his head up. He had a really rare musculo-skeletal disease that not many doctors knew much about. He spent 5 years getting worse, and was in a wheelchair by the time he was a Senior in High School. Eventually, God has given him some freedom,and now he can drive, walk, and do most things by himself.

But if you were to look at him, he looks like he has something like CP. he doesn't, but from a first glance, you wouldn't know that. And there's the rub. He has lived with this situation since he was in 8th grade, and as such his perspective on life is much different than most of ours.

Chris' talk on Saturday night was about what or who you put on your throne, instead of giving Jesus the rightful place there. He started off with a movie clip from Elf, where Will Farrell accuses a department store Santa of being fake - he KNOWS the real Santa, and this guy is not it. Will says he stinks. Will says he smells like beef and cheese. Will says he sits on a throne of lies.

Now this scene is funny, and still makes me laugh today. But Chris talked about how we put fake things on the throne of our life, and that should be Jesus' rightful place. This could be lots of things - activities, athletics, people, even Youth Group. but if Jesus is not on the throne, all these things are taking the rightful place that He should occupy.

God really used this to convict me that I do a good job of being "in Christ" during church, and during devotions, and on retreat, and even at Youth Group. But the rest of the time, I don't really live "in Christ".

I don't know why, but I felt convicted about the radio. About what I listen to in the radio in my car. Most all the time, I listen to the news or to talk radio. But I felt like God was calling me to be connected more closely to Him, and the radio is one way to do this.

So, for the past week, I have listened to Christian radio in the car. This is a pretty big deal, mostly because I don't like Christian radio. But I'm open.

And I will freely admit, it has made me more focused on God. It has helped me to pray more. It has helped me to talk to God more.

Not that news and politics are bad things, but this whole week I have felt the difference - I've felt more closely connected to God. So I am grateful that there is not one thing on the throne of my life that smells like beef and cheese, but that I have gotten closer to having only Jesus on that throne.

Here's to not smelling like beef and cheese.
K

seasons

Well, the change is coming.

No, not THAT change, but I guess it would be accurate to say that it is coming too. Just not right now...

What I am referring to is the change of seasons. For the past month, I have had my heating and A/C system turned off. It was cool at night, and I just opened the window and enjoyed the fresh, cool, night air. Before that, I had the A/C on. Granted, it didn't run a lot, but it was on. And sometimes when I came home from school all hot and bothered, you can bet that I cranked on that "down" button to cool my house off.

But now, the change is coming.

Today my friend Dianne posted this picture on Facebook, and I stole it. But I AM giving her credit, and it is a great representation of what everything looked like today. Dianne's backyard:

Now today is October 8, and it pretty much snowed all day. It didn't snow hard, but it did snow.

...

I have mixed feelings about the snow.

I love that everything looks so fresh and new. I love that the weather is cooling off, and that even though it will warm back up, the heat of the summer is gone. God Bless America, I am SO ready to not wear summer clothes to school. But this is a mixed blessing, because now Mr. Bob will turn on the heater. My school has an old-fashioned boiler to heat the school, and it really does a good job. Often times, TOO good of a job. And then sometimes the (insert name of mechanical part here) will stick open and oh my word the heat. I have learned to never wear sweaters to school, because it may mean being stuck in a HOT room with 20 kids and an over-working heater while wearing a long sleeved sweater.

I bet that's what hell will be like...

But I am looking forward to being cozy inside,while it is all blustery and snowy outside. THAT is my favorite part of fall and winter.

So, here it comes people. Get out your snow boots, snow shovels, emergency car kits, and gloves.
Get out there and make a snowman! Throw some snowballs! Drink some hot chocolate!
K

Lincoln, Nebraska

Where has the summer gone???

This is the big news of the summer so far:
2 weeks ago, about 70 of us hopped in several identical 12-passenger vans and went to Lincoln, Nebraska. There is a baby church there, and our church here in the springs wanted to support them. So, we went and did our WHOLE Vacation Bible Experience (VBX) at their church. And, we had about 6 or 8 guys that did construction or repair work around their church while the rest of us did VBX.
It was really a great week.

There were about 140 kids total that came, and only about 25 or 30 of those are affiliated with their church in Lincoln, so the rest came from the neighborhoods and community centers around there. There were 50 kids that made a decision for Christ that week, so that in itself was worth the trip. My mom went, and helped with the cooking, and it was fun to have her there, even though we only saw each other about 5 minutes a day.

Painting

Getting ready for VBX

Construction on the ceiling of their Gym

Evening service with our group, me playing the drum

Group Picture!

I had a fantastic trip, and I'm glad we went. It was worth it to encourage the Lincoln church, and most of all to see lots of lives changed for Christ.

family

This is a family picture from a few weeks ago. It's my Mom and her family (dad, sister, brother-in-law, and 2 nephews) and Mom's brother and his family (aunt and 5 cousins).

One of the reasons this is such a cool picture is that Mom and Uncle's parents passed away several years ago. Grandpa Glen passed away in 2002, and Grandma Annie passed away in 2004. We were very close to Gram and Gramps when we were growing up - always had Christmas there, went to their house about one weekend a month, always was there for at least a week in the summer. Even when I was in college, I went to Gram and Gramps house over the summer and stayed with them.

We hung out.

Like we were friends. Which we were. I don't know many people that have as close a relationship with their grandparents, outside of those that were raised by them.

For the past 15 years, we haven't had much contact with Uncle and Aunt and their kids. They had, until recently, lived in a part of Northern CA that wasn't close to any of the family, so there were occasional calls and letters, but not much regular contact.

Recently, Uncle and Aunt and cousins moved near where we live - about an hour away. My mom was excited to get together with them, and have a restored relationship. So, a couple weeks ago, we did. It really was a fun time. I'm so grateful that we can see them on a more regular basis.

Here's to family.
K

this chair hurts my butt

So today I've been sitting here much more than usual, because I'M OUT OF SCHOOL! Right now, I'm at home on the computer. As I have been much of the afternoon. What a lovely time, to not have any obligations and to feel such freedom. I love that feeling!

But seriously, the chair is hurting me. It's cutting into the back of my thighs, roughly around where my hamstrings are located. I've been sitting here too long.

But it got me to thinking -- sometimes I sit there too long. I think there are times in life where what we really need is to get up and go somewhere. To head off in a direction. Any direction. And yet we sit.

I know I'm guilty of sitting when I should be doing something else, or working toward a goal somewhere that's NOT right here next to my chair.


Is there somewhere you should be headed??
K

visitation

I just got back home.

This past weekend I took my 5-year-old nephew on a trip. I used to live in GA, and his Mimi and Grandpa still live there, so we went to visit. It was a good trip in all - he's been on a plane several times so the "trip" part was fairly easy. I just made sure that we had plenty of time for everything we had to do, and that meant there was never any "c'mon, we've got to go! we're gonna miss the plane!" I think that would have been a disaster.

Anyway, we made it out there and I thought that he was going to burst before we actually arrived. He was wiggly, and excited, and couldn't sit still on the plane at all. But in his defense, it was pretty exciting! I got to take off school for 2 days in order to go, so I was excited too (but for different reasons! It totally felt like playing hooky...)
After getting him settled at Mimi and Grandpa's, I drove an hour to where I used to live. I lived there for 10 years, and I've only lived here for 6, so I still felt a little like I was going "home".

I was totally mistaken.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was not at all what I got.
I think the problem was that I didn't think about what I was expecting, or what I wanted to get out of the whole deal.

I'm still the same person, right?
I'm still friends with all my friends, right?
Everything's still the same, right?

Nope.

On the whole, it was a nice visit. I got to see some good friends that I made at work. I went to my old church, and got to talk to my pastor. He's going through some things that my family went through in the past few years, so I was able to just let him know that there is an end in sight.
I got to visit with who I would consider my "best" friend from the whole time I lived there - we worked together for 7 years, and even went on a cross-country vacation together. Over iced coffee (it was HOT there! OK, not so hot, but wicked humid) we just sat and talked for a couple hours, while quietly sweating. Saw pictures of each other's family, and how the nephews are getting bigger. And we met for dinner the next evening over amazing Cuban food and sweet tea.

But there was nothing there. Not that I was expecting a relationship, but we've both moved on, and I suddenly realized that, standing in the parking lot of a restaurant in 5 points.

I've moved on.

I'm not sure I was ready to move on.

...

But this is life. And life goes on.

Ultimately that is a good thing, but when it slaps you across the face it has a tendency to wake a person up. I feel like my life there is over, and I wasn't quite ready for that.
So, here's to finding my new life here from now on.
No looking back.
No wistful glances over my shoulder.
No teary trips through the photo albums. (Yes, I have photo albums!)
Here's to keeping your eyes on the road ahead.
K

the white stuff

I feel like I am usually a fairly upbeat, happy person. OK, yes, occasionally I have my moments, sometime I even have a day. But I think that overall, I'm pretty positive.

Now, I'm starting to think that the weather is affecting me. Today it is snowing to beat the band, crazy wet and slushy outside, and I feel totally ...blaeech. I can't think what it would be except the slush outside.

But I definitely think that your life is what you make it, so I think I will get up and do some cleaning, light some candles, and change things around some. I'm hoping that change breeds change and that will change my mood.

Besides, I need to apply some "a place for everything and everything in it's place" here in my house. I've just laid stuff down too much lately and it's driving me crazy. Maybe that little exercise will help too.

We'll see...
K

i've been made blue, i've been lied to

I've had this old Everly Brothers song in my head lately, but there's a reason. I've really have been lied to.

A couple weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine has been lying to me about a bunch of things. Not just 1 thing - a bunch. Several.

This has given me heartburn for over a week, because even though I'm a pretty upfront person, I really don't like confrontation. Who does? But I'd rather just walk away and not deal with them or the situation ever again as a perfectly viable alternative to confronting someone.

I finally decided that I had to say something. So last week we went to dinner. I decided to wait about 10 minutes into dinner before bringing it up, 'cause I was hungry and didn't want to have to sit there and eat after calling him a liar.

Anyway, I asked if he planned on ever telling me that he lied, and after he denied the first lie (of the 6 I mentioned), he just got really quiet and didn't say much at all. The crazy thing about these lies is that NOT ONE of them would have made any difference if he'd just have told the truth. AND, he really hurt me because he made me look like a FOOL in front of several people, because I repeated something he had said and they just got a real funny look on their face and said that it wasn't true.

Well, shame on me, I should have figured it out sooner.

The answer to this accusation was, basically, "I don't know why I do that. I've always had a problem making myself seem better than I am. It's a flaw in my personality and I don't know why."

I guess kudos to him for actually admitting it, and not trying to make me look like a liar on top of the whole mess. The moral of the story (listen up kiddies) is that lying is bad. Don't do it. It hurts people, and makes you look like a fool when people find out.

Also, pride is not worth ruining a good friendship. Good friends are hard to find, and now a little bit harder for him.

Here's to truth in friendship.
K

sadness

So I've been a little sad over the past few weeks. You see, the Georgia Theatre burned down. Burned to the ground. And the owner says that he was underinsured, and probably won't have enough money to rebuild, at least not right away.


I've seen so many shows and concerts at the Georgia Theatre, I don't think I could start to count them. I have some very warm, happy memories there, and now it's gone.

I think the reason for the sadness, though, is that this puts a period on that time in my life. Things have changed. I live halfway across the country now, and hardly ever go to shows now. I used to go downtown at least 3 nights a week, and now the only reason I'm downtown is for my Wednesday night Chorale rehearsal. I'm going to propose that Chorale rehearse in my living room from now on so I don't even have to go out for that.


I feel like I'm not the same person I uesd to be. In some ways that's good. (Change is good; become a better person and all that crap) But I think I am going to have to be pulled along kicking and screaming from now on. I don't want to start eating dinner at 4:30, like my Grandparents (God rest their souls) or exclaiming that anything farther than 2 miles away is "all the way at the other end of town!" like my mom. I don't want to get old.


How can I stop the inevitable progression of getting old?


I am making a point from now on to go out of my usual routine, and go downtown. I am going to seek out a new restaurant I have never tried, and go there. I am going to pick a show that I want to see and buy tickets (right now!) I am going to go for a drive, and see the sights without planning the trip first. I'm going to find a park I've never visited, and swing on the swings.

I'm serious about this - ask me what I've done lately to break out of my rut.


Are you going to let oldness creep in and take over? What are you going to do to stay young?
Let me know...
K